So, I somehow managed to buy an “ultralight” backpack that seems to weigh as much as a small car—fun times. I’m planning another hiking trip and need recommendations for gear that won’t have me looking like I escaped from a zombie apocalypse. What’s the deal with backpacks these days that can hold all your gear but still don’t feel like you’re lugging around a sack of wet bricks? And while we’re at it, any suggestions for boots that won’t leave my feet screaming in agony after a simple uphill trudge would be much appreciated. Apparently, my current setup includes a jacket that’s so waterproof it could probably double as a submarine hull, but I’m not convinced it’s fashionable enough to be taken seriously on a scenic trail. Enlighten me, outdoor pros—am I doomed to continue this farcical dance with subpar gear, or is there hope for this hapless hiker yet?